i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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