Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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