Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
