dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
