i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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