White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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