So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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