I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
