If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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