some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we're making bets on your personal life
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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