That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
