office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
