I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
