She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
