even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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