Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
