we're chasing vodka with high fives
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
