My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
