Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
