I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
