Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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