She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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