like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
