just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
