There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
