Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
