Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
