Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
