I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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