This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
