When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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