I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I will die if light touches me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
