STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
