my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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