...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
