just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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