he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
