I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
