Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
