So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
