you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize