I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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