in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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