I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
