96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
