u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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