Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
