gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
