Umm I'm too high to move.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize