Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
