I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have aggressive nipples.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
