this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
