How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
