We tried having a conversation with our noses.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
