My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
