if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
