Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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