ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
