I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
