Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
