This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
