i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
