Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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