just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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