fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
