this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
