we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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