i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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