i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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