Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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