so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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